I Wish I Was Queer So I Can Get Chicks
by Two-Bits
Summary: The title really doesn’t have much to do with the story, I just love that song. Well, that, and this is a slasher. Mush and Kid Blink are going on a summer long roadtrip in order to visit their old friends from high school. SLASH! NEW CHAPTER!
1. I Wish I Was Queer So I Can Get Chicks

Kid Blink  
"Geeziz, Kid, this music is demented!" Mush said, suddenly. "Where'd you get this stuff anyways?" I smirked. The music was loud, rock, demonic...it was my favorite CD. Especially Devil May Cry. Good song, good song.  
"Who else? Skittery." Skittery was another of my friends. He lived for downloading music off the computer, whether it was legal or not. The disc switched to track seven, and an odd, lispy voice began speaking. I blushed, slightly, for some reason, as the actual song began to play.  
  
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class Later in theafternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass I said, 'Guys I'm like you; I like Monster Trucks too. Wanna see how many push-ups I can do? I just wish I was queer, so I could get...' Chicks dig guys that are queer Guys that don't dig chicks That don't dig guys like me See, I'm not queer, I'm too ugly!  
  
"Blink...This is the gayest song I have ever heard," Mush said, simply. I smiled, broadly.  
"They do that on purpose," I cracked, laughing. "Man, can we stop at a Burger King or something? I'm starving!" I whined, changing the subject.  
"There's a Quiznos coming up. That good?" Mush said, nodding toward the exit sign.  
"Sounds good tah me."  
Me and Mush were driving from our home in Manhattan, New York, on a summer-long roadtrip to visit our best friends.  
Jack Kelly was living in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with his boyfriend, Davvy Jacobs, where they were studying at a school where Jack was taking singing and dancing, and Davvy was taking public speaking, and was president of the debate team. Racetrack Higgins was living in some town just outside of Las Vegas, where he was studying to be an accountant (yeah, go figure), and spending his free time in the casinos. Spot Conlon was our first stop. He was living in the suburbs just outside of Washington D.C. making a living off being a lobbyist against abortion.  
Itey was a professor in Georgia, teaching Italian to an adult night class. Snitch was down there as well, because he couldn't bear to be away from his boyfriend, and was running his own movie theatre and taking Itey's classes on Tuesdays. And Specs and Dutchy were in Florida, running a dance studio.  
Mush pulled into an empty space, and we both hopped out and went into Quiznos. We ordered, Mush a low-cal turkey club, me, a meatball sub with everything on it. Mush pulled out his wallet, but I put a hand on top of the open wallet, stopping Mush from pulling out a ten.  
"Nu-uh. I'se payin' for dis one," I said, firmly. Mush opened his mouth to protest, but I clamped a hand over his mouth. "You payed for lunch, Mushee. I'se payin' for this," I said, handing the girl some money. She smiled, her eyes never leaving Mush, and I smirked.  
Mush is really good-looking. Not that I liked him, but I knew that Mush was good-looking. He had curly, almost-black hair, and chocolate brown eyes that can see right through you and know exactly when you're upset. Plus, he's ripped.  
But Mush is so naïve, he wouldn't know someone was lusting after him if they strip-teased for him. Sometimes I wish they would. Muahahahahaha...  
"Mmmm...I haven't had a good Quiznos in forever," I said, taking a huge bite. Mush smiled, as the girl walked over to our table, a mug of coffee in her hand. She set it down in front of Mush, blushing and saying it was, 'on the house.'  
"She wants your bod," I commented, watching her walk away. Mush sputtered on his coffee, and I waited for him to stop. 


	2. A SLIGHT crush

Mush  
"I want your bod."  
"What?" I stammered, blushing, furiously.  
"I said, she wants your bod. That goil is warm for your form."  
"What? No she's not!" I said, breathing a sigh of relief. Kid rolled his eyes.  
"Oblivious, much? Mush, every single goil that lays eyes on you practically melts at your feet and drools all over your sneakers! You could so be the next Spot Conlon, and get laid with a different goil every night!" he exclaimed, jokingly. My eyes widened.  
"Blink! I couldn't do that! That's AWFUL! Think of all those emotionally damaged girls, who might get AIDS, and other STDs!" I nearly shrieked. He smikled.  
"Calm down, Mushster. I wouldn't do dat eidda. I'se jist messin' witcha'," he said, smoothly. I blushed, furiously. I could've sworn he said...  
Okay, so I have a slight crush on Kid Blink. But, I mean, look at the guy! He's gorgeous! He's got beach blonde hair that falls into his eyes no matter what he does, and he's got brilliant blue eyes, well, eye. Kid was born blind in his left eye, so he wears this eyepatch that makes him look like a pirate, and it makes me think of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. Mmmm...  
I was being paranoid. Blink was one of the few straights in our group. Well, tchnically, I was too, because I hadn't actually "come out of the closet," yet. I wanted to tell Kid so badly, but, you know...I don't want to mess up our friendship. I mean, it would e super-creepy to find our that your supposedly straight best friend has a major crush on you.  
But today, he was killing me. Kid's a touchy kinda' guy. He constantly throws his arm around my shoulders, or props his elbow up on my shoulder, or clamps a hand over my mouth, or whatever. And when he put his hand on mine to stop me from paying...  
I gave an involuntary shudder.  
"Mushee, are you okay?" Blink asked, giving me a funny look. I nodded.  
"Yeah...I'm " I mumbled, trying furiously not to blush. Kid pulled his jacket off and handed it to me. "Oh, no, Kid. I'm fine!" I protested, as he held it out to me.  
"Jist put it on! C'mon, Mush. I'll be fine," Blink insisted, handing me the hoodie. Sighing, I pulled it on over my head, and snuggled up in it. I was warm from Kid's body, and the thought made me smile.  
"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Kid said, looking as if he was on the verge of laughter.  
"Shut up..." I muttered, darkly, taking another bite of my sandwich. I glanced out the window. It was really late. "We should stop somewhere for the night," I said, yawning.  
"There's a Motel 6 right across the street. We could stay there. They're pretty cheap," Blink said, taking a swig of my coffee. I shrugged.  
"Woirks for me." When we finished eating, we got back in the car, and drove across the street to the Motel 6.  
"Can I help you?" a pretty girl said, smiling. She had blonde hair and dark eyeliner around green eyes, and the look actually worked for her.  
"Yeah, me and my buddy wanna rent a room. Got any openings?" Kid said, propping his elbow on the counter, his chin resting on his fist. I felt a pang of jealousy as he openly flirted with this girl.  
"Yeah, sure thing. Just the one night?" she said, pulling a key off the rack.  
"Just one night," he replied, suggestively. I rolled my eyes. Suddenly, another guy came out from a back room behind the counter.  
"Hey, babe. I'll take over. You go get some rest," the guy said, kissing her, briefly. Kid watched her walk away, then accepted the key and stormed up to the room. I quickly followed, smirking to myself. 


	3. The Joy Of Whipped Cream

Kid Blink  
"Man! The one time a goil is actually NOT interested in you, she's got a boyfriend!" I complained, shoving open the door. He laughed, and I flopped on the bed, sulkily.  
"Kid, you are SO pathetic!" Mush said, shaking his head.  
"What?" I demanded, indignantly.  
"Nuthin'," he said, mildly, pulling his sweatshirt off. His shirt rode up with it, and I caught a glimps of his six-pack. That was good.  
Okay, so I'm not exactly completely straight. Let's just say that if I were to be gay, Mush would be my first pick as a boyfriend. I resisted the urge to roll my tongue across my lips, and then pulled off my jeans and changed into shorts. Mush did the same, and we crawled into the semi-lumpy, semi-comfy (no pun intended) double bed, and went to sleep.  
  
I knew I was awake, but I didn't open my eyes. I stared at the insides of my eyelids, and just lay there. It took a moment for me to realize that something was different. My left side was warm, something was wrapped around me, and something was resting on my chest as well.  
I opened my eyes and looked down and felt my stomach do a flip. Mush was snuggled up against me, his arms around my waist, and his head resting on my chest, a contented smile on his face, and my arm was around him. We both must move a lot in our sleep. I couldn't help but smile. Mush was such a teddy-bear boy.  
"Mush...Mushee..." I breathed, prodding him, slightly. He sighed, and snuggled closer, his arms wrapping even tighter around me.  
"Mush, wake up!" I persisted.  
"Don'...wanna...wake...up...Mmmm...do dat again...Blinky-boy..." Mush muttered, his eyelashes fluttering, informing me that he was dreaming.  
"Mush, what are you talking about?" I was thoroughly confused.  
"Ya know...with the whipped cream..." Mush replied, sleepily. My stomach dropped, and I gaped at him. He was dreaming about me!  
"Mush! You are such a pervert!" I teased, poking him even harder. He opened his eyes and glanced, groggily, up at me. He looked around for a moment, at our predicament, and his eyes flew open. He jumped up with a gasp.  
"Wh-what?" I smirked at him.  
"You talk in your sleep." Mush blushed. "You move in your sleep, too. Ya know, I don't appreciate being your substitute teddy-bear!" I scolded, jokingly. This made him blush even more. I grinned.  
"Sorry," he mumbled.  
"So, tell me. What did I do with the whipped cream?" His eyes widened, and his mouth dropped, and his cheeks burned.  
"I-I-I jist-I didn't-Wha-What did you hear?" he finally demanded. I smirked.  
"Mmmm...do dat again, Blinky-boy! Ya know, with the whipped crem!" I said, groggily, mimicking Mush's voice. He was speechless, agape, staring at me. I snickered.  
"I...there was a cake...and you...uh...did a really cool design...yeah! With whipped cream...but then you ate it...and I wanted you to do it again..." he said, saying the first thing that came to mind. I laughed,  
"So, how long has it been?" He stared at me, now confused.  
"What?"  
"How long have you liked me?" I persisted.  
"I-I don't...I told you, it was a cake—"I pressed two fingers against his lips, silencing him.  
"Shush. Youse gonna make a fool of yourself," I interrupted. Smiling, I crawled out of bed and pulled on some jeans. "C'mon. Let's blow this pop joint. If we leave now, we can make it tah Spot's by dinner time," I said, licking my lips at the thought of Spot's cooking. "Mmmm...who knows? Maybe he'll have some whipped cream," I teased, waggling my eyebrows. Mush blushed and threw a pillow at me. Laughing, I grabbed the pillow and whacked him with it. Thus began an hour long pillow fight, ending with us both on the floor, tangled up in sheets, and in a very awkward position.  
"Er...Blink...I can't move," Mush said, once again, blushing. (He just blushes a lot, doesn't he?)  
"I know. I have that effect on a lot of people," I cracked, putting on a hoity-toity attitude. I was on top of Mush, and our faces were inches apart.  
"No, I mean, I can't move without you moving foirst."  
"Oh. Right." I placed my hands on the floor and pushed up, but I couldn't move, because the sheets were wrapped too tightly. I collapsed back against him, and our faces were even closer than before. He stared up at me, and I stared back at him, and then I leaned down and kissed him, lightly. 


	4. You Faked It!

Mush  
I was shocked, thrilled, ecstatic! But mostly, I was confused. Wasn't Kid supposed to be straight? But no matter. The important thing was that Kid Blink was kissing me!!  
Mmmm...He tasted like Cinnamon gum, my favorite kind of gum. I was so lost in the kiss, I didn't even realize it when Kid came up for air. I stared at him for a minute as he grinned his lopsided grin at me.  
"I-I thought you were straight!" I breathed. He smirked.  
"I thought I was, too! I guess teddy bear boys turn me on," he said, ruffling my hair. "Now come on! You've delayed us for an hour!"  
"I've delayed us?! You were the one who kissed me!" I accused, jokingly.  
"Yeha, but you started the pillow fight, the greater of two evils," he said, somehow managing to easily untangle himself from the sheets.  
"I hardly consider a pillow fight evil--HEY! You faked it!" I said, suddenly, realizing what his lack of struggle with the sheets meant. He grinned, coyly.  
"Stuff like that only happens in stories. Do ya mind?"  
"Nope." Then I began to get dressed. He stuck out his lower lip in a pout.  
"Don't I get a thankyou kiss?" he whined. I laughed.  
"That you'll have to earn," I replied, flirtatiously. 


	5. SPOT!

Kid Blink

After our...delays...we jumped in the car and drove ALL. DAY. Stopping only for food, and the occasional, My-legs-are-numb, let-me-out-of-this-blasted-car.

We reached Washington D.C. around nine thirty-ish, which was fine, because Spot doesn't go home until nine every day. If he can't convince the government he's right, he convinces everyone he sees on the street.

"SPOT!!! WE'RE HERE!" I screamed, opening the door of his apartment and dropping my bag in the entryway. Mush did, too.

Spot came sliding down the hall in only his socks, a Brooklyn Dodgers tee shirt, and his boxers.

"KID! MUSH!" he yelled, pulling us into a huge hug. For such a little guy, he's really strong.

"SPOT!" we chorused. After the people below called to complain, I smelled the air.

"You've been cooking!" I said, gleefully. Spot grinned, knowingly.

"Only your favorite," he replied. I did my happy dance.

"YES!" Spot is the world's greatest cook. Forget Emeral. Forget...any other cook you think is good. Spot tops them all. My favorite was some sort of Italian-shrimp thingy. Whatever it was, it was fabulous.

Now I'm even _talking_ like a gay guy!

Oh, speaking of gays...

"Uh, Spot," I began, as Spot stirred the creamy, white sauce.

"Mmmhmm?" he replied, not looking up.

"Well, Mush and I are...We're kind of...I mean..." I trailed off, wondering how to explain it. I didn't think it would be so hard! Spot looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"You guys _finally_ figured it out, huh?" Spot said, knowingly, rolling his eyes.

"Huh?"

"Duh. Mush's liked you since...forever. You two spend all your time together. It was only a matter of time before you two became an 'item.'" I stared at him, then at Mush, then at him.

"How did you know?" I demanded.

"Puh-leeze. I can't count on my fingers and toes how many times Mush and I have sat, at two o'clock in the morning, talking about your obliviousness, and how likely it was that you would come around!"

"Oh."

"Now you know why I hate mornings."

"Ah," I said, nodding.

We had dinner, which was fabulous (there I go again), and we chatted, aimlessly. We just caught up with what had been going on. Spot was planning on going up to Vegas to visit Racetrack, because the two were best friends, and hadn't seen each other in six months. Spot had been dating this girl named Kelly for nearly two years, now, and he was going to propose to her.

"Well," Spot said, around one in the morning. "I think I'll turn in. You two know your room. I trust you'll be sharing one?" he added, with a sly grin. I nodded. "If you need it, there's whipped cream in the fridge," he added, winking. Mush blushed, and I cracked up.

'Bout time, eh? Okay. Shoutouts!

Nakaia Aidan-Sun

Obsessed Wit' Aaron Lohr

Cayenne

Erin Go Bragh

Skagirl

THANKS A TON! Read and review!


	6. Meet Kelly

Mush

Yawning, I opened my eyes, and was greeted with the smell of bacon, eggs, and biscuits coming from the kitchen. I looked down, and saw that Kid was curled up in my arms. Psh! And he said _I _was a teddy bear boy!

I crawled carefully out of bed, and shuffled into the kitchen. Spot was hard at work scrambling the eggs. A tall, pretty brunette was seated at the counter, watching him, as he chatted about the upcoming elections. (He's a republican.)

"Sleep well, Mush? I noticed the whipped cream was almost empty this morning," Spot teased, dumping bacon onto a plate, and handing it too me. "Mushy, this is Kelly. I told you about her last night. Kel, this is Mush Myers." She grinned at me.

"Hey," she greeted, munching on a bit of bacon. I grinned right back at her.

"How are you?" She shrugged.

"Tired. I'm only up because I wouldn't miss Spot's breakfast for the world," Kelly said, wryly. Spot threw a dish towel at her.

"So, what're you up to today, Spot?"

"Kelly and I are going to this art show she's in. I figure you and Kid can go sightseeing, check out all the museums and whatnot, then I'll meet you back here around one for lunch!" I nodded, knowingly. He was going to propose today.

"Sounds good. I'm sure Kid and I can find something to do," I said, smiling. I began to eat, and as I ate, I watched Kelly. She obviously loved Spot a lot. They looked so cute together, always smiling. Once, Kelly stood up and kissed his neck, and he giggled, because he's ticklish. It was absolutely adorable.

I know. I'm such a flamer.

"Hey, babe," I greeted, as Kid came in, wearing a Brooklyn Dodgers shirt. Spot noticed it, and grinned.

"Cheers," he said, and Kid laughed.

"Hey, Spot and Kelly have this art thing, so you and me are gonna go do the tourist thing, and we'll meet around one for lunch, kay?" I said. Kid gave me a questioning look, and I gave the faintest nod. He broke out into a grin.

"Sounds good," he said, kissing me on the forehead. He sat down, and we had breakfast, before heading out.

YAY! I'm just in an updating mood, eh?

Shoutouts!

Erin Go Bragh

Cayenne

Eagle Higgins-Conlon

Nakaia Aidan-Sun


	7. Oh, Spot

Kid Blink

"Oh, that's so CUTE!" Mush squealed, once we had gotten out of the house. I rolled my eyes.

"Mush, you are so flaming gay!" I laughed. He grinned at me.

"Yeah, but it is! He's taking her to an ART SHOW that she's IN to PROPOSE!" Mush exclaimed. He was practically _squirming_ with delight.

No, I take that back.

He _was_ squirming.

"Mush, hold still! You're going to strangle yourself with your seatbelt!" He pouted, slightly, but sat still. "Okay, now where do you want to go?"

"OH! Let's go to the Smythsonian Institute!' Mush exclaimed. "I want to see the Hope Diamond! It's the biggest diamond in the world!" I nodded.

"Okay, well, let's go." I handed him a map Spot had given me. "You're going to have to direct me." He directed me—or tried to, anyway—until I decided that Mush cannot read maps, and just drove around, following signs, until I found a parking space and decided that we could just walk. It's a nice day, anyway.

We spent an hour browsing the place, mostly hanging around the Hope Diamond and Dorothy's Ruby Slippers.

"Alright, let's go see the Lincoln Memorial!" Mush said, dragging me away from the museum as if _I'd_ been the culprit who'd refused to leave. We walked around, seeing the memorials, the museums, and every possible thing there was to see, until we headed back to Spot's house for lunch.

Spot came in, slamming the door behind him. "Have fun with Kelly?" Mush asked. Spot glared at him, then his face fell into a sad one, and a single tear streaked down his cheek.

"Oh, Spot…"

CLIFFHANGER! What on earth couldpossibly be upsetting Spot? (Like you couldn't guess already...)

Shoutouts!

Guavita: Mmmm...Whipped Cream is so yummay...I can't ever look at it without bursting out laughing!

Nakaia Aidan-Sun: YAY! Oh, and puppy dog eyes don't work on me. Unless of course you happen to be an incredibly hot Brits/Scott/Newsie/Pirate etc...


	8. YOU ASSHOLE!

Mush

"Oh, Spot…"

Seeing the downcast expression on Spot's face, I rushed to his side. "What happened?" I asked. Spot slumped into a chair, a look of defeat on his face.

"She—she—" he stammered. He was so overcome with grief that he buried his head in his hands.

"Spot, I'm so—" I stopped when he brought up his head, a huge grin on his face.

"She said YES!" he exclaimed.

Kid Blink and I stared at him, silent.

"You…She…SPOT, YOU ASSHOLE!" Kid Blink yelled, tackling him. He knocked him back to the floor, Spot all the while laughing hysterically.

"Haha—The look—hahaha—on your—ha—FACE!" He shoved Kid Blink off of him and glanced at the window, which was open a crack. "Did you get that?" he gasped. Kelly's grinning face appeared in the window, holding a video camera, and she pushed it open the rest of the way.

"Yup!" She grinned at Kid and I. "That was awesome.

Cue death glares at Spot.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I couldn't resist!" he said, still chuckling. Seconds later, we broke down and started laughing.

Shoutouts! (to all my rabid fans...heh heh...)

Slightly: WHAT rabid fans?

...shut up...

blackblood: YAY! Thanks!

BoomerRang: Yeah, uh...Kelly...That sentence made NO sense. And Tony and Benji are already gay, so...

Tony!bitch and Benji!bitch: Damn straight!


	9. Almost Like I'M the Gay One

Shoutouts!

Nakaia Aiden-Sun: YAY FOR UPBEATEDNESS! Haha, I like humor, in case you didn't notice. Which is kinda' ironic, 'cause I'm a pessemist.

BoomerRang: Sorry, Boomer, but I don't swing that way. Wish you didn't want me to, though. That's definitely gonna put a damper on our relationship.

blackblood: I KNOW!!! But it was for Kelly's sake, so...You know.

* * *

Kid Blink

"Mush is such a girl," I commented, glancing over at Mush and Kelly, who were making wedding plans. Spot grinned, wryly.

"Yeah, kind of ironic, really. 'Cause Kelly's such a tomboy. It's like _I'm_ the gay one."

"I heard that!" Kelly yelled, glaring at her fiancé.

"I love you," he said, grinning, innocently.

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered, returning to her magazine, but she was smiling.

"How long are you guys gonna be here?" Spot asked, still gazing, fondly, at Kelly. I shrugged.

"We'll probably head out tomorrow afternoon, or the morning after." Spot looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Isn't that a movie?" I grinned.

"Gee, Spot, I thought you were going to say something profound," I teased. "I have no idea."

"Oy, Spot!" Kelly snapped. "Fix us some food, will you?" she asked in a British accent. I glanced at Spot, an eyebrow raised.

"She do that often?" Spot nodded, sighing girlishly. I refrained from rolling my eyes. Spot stood and began pulling out the fixings for burgers.


	10. The One

Shoutouts!

Nakaia Aidan-Sun: Aha. Yeah, _suuureee_.

Unknown-Dreams: AH! NOT THE LLAMA! Ick. My dad wants to get a llama. -makes face-

itsasledgehammer: Aha. It's something Kelly would do, too.

* * *

Mush

"OOH! How 'bout this one!" I squealed, eagerly pointing in the window of a bridal shop. A very pretty white bridal gown was displayed. It was strapless, the bodice embroidered with white beads, and then a full skirt of netting made up the skirt. Kelly looked at it, then shook her head.

"It's too…" She sighed, heavily. Kelly and I were shopping for a wedding dress, but we weren't having much luck. Kelly was looking for something in particular, but she just couldn't figure out _what_.

"Let's go in here anyway," I suggested. "Maybe they have a catalog or soothing." She nodded, and we stepped into the shop.

"_Bonjour_," a very tall and very French man said, coming out from behind the counter.

"Hi," I said, smiling. "I was just wondering if you guys had, like, a catalog of gowns or something?" The man nodded knowingly.

"When's the wedding?" I blinked.

"What? Oh! Not us. Just her. I'm just shopping with her," I explained, quickly. Kelly chuckled appreciatively.

"Of course. We have a catalog right over here…"

Kelly and I spent the next hour browsing for gowns until…

"MUSH! I found it!" Kelly exclaimed, pointing excitedly. I looked at the dress and momentarily wished I was a girl.

"It's GORGEOUS!" I gasped.

The gown was a white satin strapless. The bodice was divided, and the skirt had one large pleat from the seam. The fabric between the pleat was a blood red, and then all around were thin red swirls.

"You're going to knock 'em dead!" I declared. Kelly grinned.

"Hopefully not," she replied. "I'd hate for Spot to die before the honeymoon." I chuckled.

"You dog!"


End file.
